You are here

Home » Blogs » BOGFirst1's blog

My Problem with the Environment

Every time I hear people talk, or writers write, about “the environment” I feel uneasy. It doesn’t matter whether the person speaking or writing is advocating consumption or conservation of “the environment”, something in the way environment is objectified and we as people are separated from “It” is deeply disturbing to me. When I had my primary insight into the truth that I am the environment, there is no separation between a me and an environment, it was from following this discomfort and seeing where it took me.

Accepting and paying attention to uncomfortable feelings and thoughts is one of my favorite methods of provoking personal growth. I have learned that the excluded aspects of my life, those I have found unacceptable, ofter continue to request attention and often do that by creating tension, discomfort, and other negative kinds of experience that I eventually have to pay attention to. If I can honor these aspects of myself by listening and engaging them, letting them into the light of my more conscious appreciation, and then giving them a role in my life I typically end up a more comfortable and capable person. I am going to add some detail to the insight and try to rekindle the feeling of it through a retelling of the insight and consequent change in experiential perspective.

After Joanna’s introduction to the work that reconnects workshop I felt my living engagement with self and world very deeply and openly. When I started to allow my discomfort, frustration really, with the idea of an environment that is in peril, that can be saved or destroyed, that people can advocate for or against, it quickly became apparent that that discomfort was based on a culturally mandated fiction of separation that I was not willing to perpetuate in my own thinking, feeling, and behaving. It was like letting go of the last bit of my personal maintenance of that fiction and the effect was immediate, the idea and the experience of being nature, that I am nature, that there is not any difference between me and nature, became my frame of reference to all my experiencing.

Physically my senses seemed to become balanced and able to be aware of both inner and outer experience in a way where neither aspect was more valued as personal or not personal to me. All the boundaries and particulars of my experience remained the same but their reality didn’t force a distinction in identity that called me to relate to myself as separate from nature. Nature included all people, all other living things and all seemingly non living things, we are all nature. I live in the suburbs so there was not much “real nature” in the form of plants and animals, just the typical ornamental remainders that city planners sprinkle through the streets, residential and business districts of the city, but I realized all of this is nature and I am not separate from it, I am it.

All of the buildings, the road I was driving on, the care I was driving, the air I was breathing, my body, my thoughts and feelings are all nature and I am the totality of that immense activity of inter-meshing forms and forces and thoughts and feelings. There was no quest for freedom, or redemption because there was no place to go that wasn’t already part of me, that wasn’t already me. All people were also included in this awareness, even folks I have despised for their cruelty and destructiveness. The realization that I am nature automatically included everyone else as nature as well. I was released form the annoying feeling that my gifts and limitations were mine as an isolated, separate individual, somehow miraculously living on my own merits, and realized that my brilliance was natures brilliance, my awareness natures awareness, my strength, my capacity for violence, my determination to survive, were all natures attributes emerging in the form of my being. I no longer possessed these qualities and I felt great relief that I did not need to be self conscious about them. This perception did not just cover me as an individual but covered all creatures, particularly the ones I am most closely related to, my fellow humans. So in a deep and convincing way I realized that people are not the enemy of nature, we are an expression of natures brilliance.

In my fear and desperation prior to this change of mind I was caught in the uncomfortable territory of sometimes seeing people as a problem, I never bought this fully because it never seemed intuitively right to me because I really do love people and I love life in full somewhere deep in my own self nature. Now this tension was fully resolved. I began to feel the pain of our, remember I am now identified as being nature, collective degradation. We are harming our self as we pursue our brilliant human living in the way we are doing it now. Then it occurred to me I am self correcting. I as nature am self correcting. All of the homeostatic processes, mental, emotional, physical, are mobilizing in response to human activity that is harmful to the whole self of nature and will self correct in many different ways. I have an individual role to play in that self correction and part of that role is to pursue a shift from the culturally circumscribed identity I have adapted to to a new form of identity based on this transformational insight that I Am Nature.

Powered by Drupal